How Many Die-Hard Manny Pacquiao Fans Does It Take to Screw A Light Bulb?

Let’s cut to the chase.  Carolla apologizes, Pacquiao accepts and asks people to understand Carolla because he is a comedian. Pacquiao also asks his fans not to blow the issue out of proportion.

Amen!!! Hallelujah!!! The Road to Damascus!!! Exactamente!!! Mismo!! Eureka!!!Rejoice

Manny Pacquiao has more brains and class than ALL HIS DIE-HARD BLOWHARD FANS COMBINED.

Matud pa – mao nay sakto!!! Gamiton ang  utok, dili ang ikaduhang utok!!!…. Basta bisdak gahi ug…  baruganan 😀

This is what WE, in AntiPinoy.com have been saying all along – we can ignore, we can laugh at the joke and see it for what it is – a joke in the tradition of high brow satire. Does this make Manny an “Anti-Pinoy” – because his views coincide with the view of Antipinoy.com’s authors?

Take a hint people – Manny is talking to you. Ika nga ni Bill Cosby – A word to the wise ain’t necessary, it’s the stupid ones who need the advice.

Ayan kasi wala ng ibang ginawa kungdi manood ng WOWOWEE – ang alam lang na comedy ay yung slapstick – very visceral and non-thinking nonsense program of ABS-CBN. Kaya pag naiharap sa high brow comedy na kung saan kailangan ng pag-iisip – ayun di magets ng madlang people.

Having said that for some reason, I am associating these fans with light bulb jokes. It’s a weekend everyone – let’s chill.

Here’s a compilation of light bulb jokes. See if you can come up with own after reading.

Q: How many divorce lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 3 – one to argue for the rights of the old lightbulb, one to argue for the rights of the new lightbulb, and one to argue for the rights of the light socket

Q. How many Socialist Workers Party members does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. Four. One to change the bulb, one to write about it for “the paper”, one to sell you “the paper” and another to follow you home and ask why you weren’t at the bulb changing, if you plan to make the next one and if you were still as committed.

Q. How many cultural historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I am less interested in the lightbulb than the discourses surrounding the changing.

Q. How many art historians does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. 11. One to change the lightbulb, and 5 to show earlier versions  that influenced it, and 5 to say that the changing was actually done by  the changers apprentice.

Q. How many Scottish historians does it take to change a lightbulb.
A. All of them, because they are sick of living under the shadow of England for so long.

Q: how many ska kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 6, one to drop it and 5 to pick it up! pick it up! pick it up!

Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they’d much rather watch someone else do it.

Q: How many customer service representatives does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: 5. One to incorrectly diagnose the problem, 2 to repeat the first  rep’s notes to the customer, and one to inform the customer that the  lightbulb changing service is no longer available in that location.

(The following refers to the current Bush regime.)
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it’s condition is improving every day. Any reports of it’s lack of incandescence are totally unfounded, and the result of delusional “spin” assaults from the fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably, and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it’s ego. Why do you hate freedom?

Q. How many Massage Therapists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One, but they have to have candles and soft music to do it.

Q. How many Anglican ministers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A. Change?  In an Anglican church?  I think not!

Q.  How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A.  None.  They’d rather curse the darkness.

Q. How many transsexuals does it take…?
A. Only one, but she needs a note from two doctors.

Q: How many kids with ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Hey! Do you wanna go ride bikes?

Q. How many Floridians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Don’t know for sure, they’re still counting.

Q: How many MP’s does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Twenty-one. One to change it and twenty to form a fact-finding committee to learn more about how it’s done.

Q: How many Thatcherites does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. It’s up to the private sector to provide the finance for it.

Q: How many John Majors does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to not do anything about it and one to try and blame the failure of the old bulb on the Labour party who put the original bulb in place 17 years ago.

Q: How many Conservative economists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. The invisible hand does it.
A: None. “There is no need to change the lightbulb. All the conditions for illumination are in place. Recent surveys show growing confidence in the lightbulb lighting up again.”
A: None, because, look! It’s getting brighter! It’s definitely getting brighter !!!

Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen.

Q: How many liberals does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One liberal and twenty eight delegates representing all the social, economic, and ethnic communities.

Q: How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One; after reflecting in the twilight on the merit of the previous bulb.

Q: How many socialists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One to petition the Ministry of Light for a bulb, fifty to establish the  state production quota, two hundred militia to force the factory unions to  allow production of the bulb, and one to surreptitiously dial an ‘800’ number to order an American light bulb.

Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they only screw the poor

Q: How many election canvassers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. They’d just go round telling everyone that it’s time for a change but the only way this can come about is if everyone votes for “New lightbulb.”

Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows. Russian leaders don’t last as long as light bulbs.

Q: How many admin assistants does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. I can’t do anything unless you complete a lightbulb design change request form.

Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the seeds of revolution and change are within the lightbulb itself.

Q: How many Communists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two – one to screw it in, and a second to hand out leaflets.

Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say “Get daaowwwwn !”

Q: How many Italian-Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: I dunno exactly, but my brothers girlfriends fathers boss secretary’s sister’s next door neighbors’ priest’s cousin’s union shop steward’s uncle’s Knights Of Columbus club Seargant-of-Arms nephew’s best friend did it real cheap for me once.

Q: How many Mafia hitmen does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to screw it in, one to watch, and one to shoot the witness.

Q: How many Honor Guards does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: 22, one to screw it in, 21 to shoot the bulb.

Q: How many porn actresses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Well, it looks like 2 of them are really doing it, but the real answer  is actually none. They’re just faking it.

Q: How many aerospace engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist, you know.

Q: How many IKEA shop assistans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: “Sorry, we ran out of light bulb stock. We expect it to arrive early next month. We do have ladders though! You just go straight on, then left and then right. No, thanks, anytime.”

Q: How many mutants does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two thirds.

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: As many as will fit in the El Camino.

Q: How many Englishmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: What do you mean change it? It’s a perfectly good bloody bulb! We have had it for a thousand years and it has worked just *fine*.

Q: How many Australians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but you have to pry him off the sheep first.

Q: How many pessimists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, the old one is probably screwed in too tight.

Q: How many divorcees does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. The sockets all went with the house.

Q: How many carpenters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Sod you! That’s the electrician’s job.

Q: How many utilitarians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: As many as are happy screwing in light bulbs.

Q: How many sado-masochists does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to hold it and one to kick the chair out from under him.

Q: How many consultants does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don’t know. They never get past the feasibility study.

Q: How many poets does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to curse the darkness, one to light a candle… … and one to change the bulb.

Q: How many rock stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb ?
A: None. Rock stars only screw in jacuzzis.

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.

Q: How many polite, considerate native New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Both of them.

Or alternatively you can have the proverbial “why did the chicken cross the road”Here’s some inspiration:

  • Plato: For the greater good.
  • Captain James T Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
  • Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
  • Jerry Seinfeld: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
  • Sigmund Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying insecurity.
  • Bill Gates: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, balance your checkbook and eat your neighbour.
  • Charles Darwin: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
  • Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
  • Hillary Clinton: That’s what I’d like to know. Why DID the chicken cross the road?! But this administration is operating in secrecy, witholding important information from the American people, about how many chickens crossed the road and why they crossed it.
  • Martin Luther King, Jr: I have a dream! I have a dream of a day, when ALL chickens can cross ALL roads without having their motives called into question!
  • Ernest Hemingway: To die. Alone. In the rain.
  • Official Chicken Representative: Because he wanted to. Do you not think that maybe chickens have rights too? If you crossed the road no one would question you.
  • To see her flat mate. No, hang on – that was the toad.
  • Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Feeling up to it? Ok, let me try some – lame na kung lame… I DON KER 🙂

Why did the Manny Pacquiao fan cross the road?

  • To show Pinoy Pride by dissing Adam Carolla.
  • To show Pinoy Pride by dissing Mayweather.
  • Couldn’t get sh*t together.
  • To pray to chicken bones.
  • To have a blood sample taken.
  • To have DNA sample taken and checked for genetic markers of “Filipino race”.

Why did Noynoy cross the road?

  • It’s his tadhana
  • Because Kris was on the other side of the road.
  • He couldn’t stand around being Baby James – with all the Villar baby talk.
  • To fiscalize
  • To discuss unification of the opposition with Erap Estrada.
  • To fix the directional sign to Hacienda Luisita.
  • To give alms to victims of Hacienda Luisita Massacre.

How many Noynoyistas does it take to screw a light bulb?

  • The entire EDSA.
  • Still counting the number of delegates to the light bulb replacement consultative congress. the executive committee is still deliberating which chapters will be mobilized during the light bulb replacement rally.
  • Hold on, still counting the number of bills passed by Noynoy in 3 years.
  • You are evil because you want a different light bulb.

How many Manny Pacquiao fans does it take to screw a light bulb?

  • None. Everyone’s out dissing Carolla, Mayweather, Morales, Cotto and other non-Filipino nationalities
  • None. Manny will screw the bulb on. The fans will just cheer while Manny screws the light bulb.

Take it easy. TSERS – Have  a greet weekend everyone!

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26 comments

  1. “You are evil because you want a different light bulb.” HAHAHAHAHAHA

  2. Thanks for these jokes. They were hilarious.

    If only Manny`s fans didn`t act like this from the start, Carolla wouldn`t have mentioned Manny. I admire Pacquiao`s character a lot, that`s why he deserves the fame and success where he is now. It was only because of some fans why this shameful event happened.

    O nga pala, this site is nearing it`s end. May nananakot sa Facebook and he wants to start a revolution against this site. For every hate (and stupid) comment that someone posts on Carolla`s wall, he replies with this (pardon the language):

    “Oo nga gago si Crayolla… At mas gago ang mga walang kwentang mga Pinoy daw na gumawa nitong website na ito: http://antipinoy.com. Mga walang hiya sila!! Antipinoy ang pangalan ng site nila!! Fucking racists… Anong akala nila sa atin? Mga ipis?!? To think na Pilipino sila!! Mga traydor!!! Puntahan natin ang http://www.antipinoy.com at magcomment tayo doon!! Let’s let them know how we feel!!! Ibagsak ang http://antipinoy.com!!!! Mga traydor!! Mga racist laban sa sariling lahi!!! Fuck you anti-pinoy!!!“

    I kind of expected for Pacquiao to not take this issue seriously. I don`t know why. I guess this is one of the reasons why he`s a successful Filipino.

  3. jonphil · ·

    Any musician/composer here?

    Come up with a beat tune. Instead of mannyP singing, let him RAP it.

    It would be a MOST opportune moment: PI will be having an election; pinoys look up to him; this carolla brouhaha; . . .

    “pilipins, pilipins, pili.. pili.. pins, GIT YOUR SYET TOGEDER!”

    This is shooting several mocking bird with one stone.

    Any inputs?

  4. Amino Acid · ·

    “How many Noynoyistas does it take to screw a light bulb?

    The entire EDSA.”

    I LOL’d.

  5. O nga pala, this site is nearing it`s end. May nananakot sa Facebook and he wants to start a revolution against this site.

    I hope you were being sarcastic. Because its not like there aren’t enough sites just like these and if this goes, its not that hard to make another one. And we’ll see who wastes their resources first. I doubt these guys can easily accomplish anything through sheer bruteforce.

    Yeah Pac-man is just minding his own business and enjoying life while his fans are rabidly fighting over his status as a pinoy icon. Thats one of the worst aspects of the people besides not recognizing the word ‘hero’.

  6. e di magrebolusyon sila – mas marami na tayong exhibits of Pinoy dysfunction 😆

  7. So where are these “revolutionaries” and their comments? I don’t see them here. Bakla naman pala sila e. 😀

  8. Jay,

    Of course I am. 🙂 This site is actually a breath of fresh air for me. And don’t worry, the mods already know who I am as I already introduced myself a while ago. What’s really funny about this commenter is that he replied this message to all the hate comments in Adam’s page.

  9. Cool Guy · ·

    You missed one about Noynoyistas.

    “None, because they’re waiting for their destined hero to screw the lightbulb for them”

  10. boombox · ·

    kailangan ng ilabas ang propanda machinery ng AP… spread the leaflets… haha…

  11. None, because they don’t dare do it without a memo of instruction from Gabby Lopez.

  12. I DIE LAUGHING HAHAHA :))

  13. :)) OH MY. i just imagined manny singing the “pilipins, pilipins, pili.. pili.. pins, GIT YOUR SYET TOGEDER!”

    hahaha. grabe my stomach is achinh. kudos to manny though. easy lang kasi. 🙂

  14. HATEBREAD · ·

    Sana nag tagumpay yung OAKWOOD MUTINY!!! Mga pilipino kasi mga bakla!!! Gusto nang change pro salita lang,hindi sa gawa…antipinoy.com is just pointing out the filipinos negative side and that it should change.If not others will point out our wrong and we will be angry cause we know it was wrong.It’s wrong but why are we still doing it? We can cleary see that somethings wrong in our system specially in politics.Highly patriotic tayo pro wla sa lugar,proud na proud na tayo if one man is succesful specially if it’s a filipino.

    In my opinion we should focus more on Education,Politics,Economy and Military,this should be improved!!! this are the foundation of a great nation!!! Not boxing or watching WOWOWEE in TV in which could make us dull.Our nation has a great capability but we’re losing our professionals to other rich nation!!! We’re wasting our talents for them!!! Halos lahat nang mga Filipino gustong mag abroad dahil sa kahirapan sa Pilipinas and you say you’re proud to be a filipino??? Joke ba ito???

    MABUHAY ANG PILIPINAS!!! SANA MAG BAGO NA TAYO!!!! CHANGE!!!! CHANGE!!!!! CHANGE!!!!

  15. That’s what I really expected from him. MP class has been widely known already in boxing circles including non-pinoy crossover fans.

    Been to MP sites since 2004 and the fans fights actually were too ugly but I think the site owner did his best to moderate the comments.

    The case of Adam was just a tickling timebomb waiting to explode. Good that MP issue a very diplomatic and consoling statement. Who knows people who rabidly adored him may learn something out of this?

  16. Who knows people who rabidly adored him may learn something out of this?

    You know if Manny can teach people to forgive and forget (that being a big IF), it would be beneficial since the issue of comedians/celebs poking at Pinoys won’t stop. If they want the hypocrisy to end, they should do beyond than just emulate their hero. They should change their values.

  17. jonphil · ·

    Hatebread: Sana nag tagumpay yung OAKWOOD MUTINY!!! Mga pilipino kasi mga bakla!!! Gusto nang change pro salita lang,hindi sa gawa…

    I believe most rational pinoys prefer the duly established govt. I don’t need a self claimed messiah bragging about his thesis paper; causing damage to a commercial mall and hotel. (was treleleng MAN ENOUGH to pay the aggreved back?)

    His crude style was simple: one attacks the one in power (eg, GMA), then the non-thinking mob would vote him. Senate spawned: enrile,honasan, lacson, trillanes, junggoy, iskudiro, cayetanos, and their ilk.

    Fool penoys once, shame on them; fool them twice, shame on me. Now, my family is forced to live with the mess this ignorant mob put forth to our degenerating society.

  18. There are several articles about that man Adam Carolla on this site with one main gist. I think Anti-Pinoy is as guilty as the Die-hard Blowhard Fans – riding with a senseless issue several times again and again and again.

  19. May Party Sa Dasma Wala Akong Wheels · ·

    AP is guilty of being on the right side of the issue, not the dumb raging side.

  20. not as many as ALL the tonto/jolog blogs writing AGAINST Carolla – not even close.

    🙂

    and all the stupid angles raised by the tonto blowhard fans need to be addressed.

    if you have a problem with what’s being written here – go to the TONTO/JOLOG sites – you are certainly welcome THERE.

  21. There are several articles about that man Adam Carolla on this site with one main gist. I think Anti-Pinoy is as guilty as the Die-hard Blowhard Fans – riding with a senseless issue several times again and again and again.

    Oh this isn’t just an episode. Its an ongoing saga. Same protagonist. Same antagonist. Same circumstance. Same resolution. Nothing learned whatsoever. Again and again is an quite an understatement. Because history repeats itself for the idiots who have not yet learned. I think Adam’s case is number 30 now, or what?

    http://argument.88-mph.net/files/philippine-defense-squad.txt

  22. I don’t side with the tontos. Some Filipinos are really what AC saw them to be. But as far as I know, even AC is a tonto for not standing with what he said. He is a coward, but that is not the issue.

    “Pacquiao also asks his fans not to blow the issue out of proportion.” I just guess, same goes to AP, your message in this article applies to the writers here too – do not blow the issue out of proportion. But I guess, that is just what critics do.

  23. Ang Oakwood Mutineers ay mga bakla din. Kung itinuloy nila yung cause nila at di agad sumuko edi may nangyari sana sa adhikaing ipinaglalaban nila. Ngayon nalimutan na. Nilamon pa ng bulok na sistema sina Trillanes at Lim.

    But I agree with what you said about some Filipinos. Now, what do you suggest we do? Di pwedeng ngawa lang nang ngawa, kailangan natin solusyon. Ikaw, ano ang iyong ginawa?

  24. Ray Rodriguez · ·

    I think the issue of the writers is not what AC said but how Da Pinoy reacted. AP did not blow AC out of proportion, Da Pinoy did and AP’s reaction to Da Pinoy is just proportionate.

  25. Critics don’t need to point out the obvious though. In fact, AP attacked the issue at all angles just to prove how silly the motives and actions of Da Pinoy were. Pacquiao was too late to ask his fans not to blow the issue out of proportion because they already went ahead and did it. So much to listening to their hero, eh?

  26. Antay-antayan · ·

    How many antipinoy bloggers does it take to screw a light bulb?

    At least four, but none are available. They’re all too busy telling each other how smart they are.

    BTW, I have an article suggestion: why Mayweather fans know better since they are not Filipinos?

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