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George Carlin: Comedian or Prophet? Can Pinoy culture handle his kind of comedy?

May 18, 2010

I am an avid fan of George Carlin. I have yet to see a Filipino comedian who can deliver the punchlines the way George Carlin does it. Of course that’s a tall order.

How is George relevant to the Philippines? A lot, thank you very much. First of all, his observation on his fellow Americans apply to Filipinos as well. Second the maturity of the audience to take the commentary and appreciate the brazen truths behind the joke is quite striking to boy from the boonies who saw quite different in his neck of the woods.

George Carlin is politically incorrect, straightforward, does not put up with crap – and his delivery is pure genius.

George Carlin defined a new genre of comedy – the political satire. Hard-hitting, yet funny, witty, brilliantly paced. This isn’t the kind of toilet humor or slapstick comedy I grew up on. C’onsider the following quotes from the man:

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.

Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town.

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

George Denis Patrick Carlin (May 12, 1937 – June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author, who won five Grammy Awards for his comedy albums.[22]

Carlin was noted for his black humor as well as his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. Carlin and his “Seven Dirty Words” comedy routine were central to the 1978 U.S. Supreme Court case F.C.C. v. Pacifica Foundation, in which a narrow 5–4 decision by the justices affirmed the government’s power to regulate indecent material on the public airwaves.

The first of his 14 stand-up comedy specials for HBO was filmed in 1977. In the 1990s and 2000s, Carlin’s routines focused on the flaws in modern-day America. He often commented on contemporary political issues in the United States and satirized the excesses of American culture. His final HBO special, It’s Bad for Ya, was filmed less than four months before his death.

Carlin placed second on the Comedy Central cable television network list of the 100 greatest stand-up comedians, ahead of Lenny Bruce and behind Richard Pryor.[23] He was a frequent performer and guest host on The Tonight Show during the three-decade Johnny Carson era, and hosted the first episode of Saturday Night Live.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Carlin

I invite you, nay, beg you to watch the clips, you can say George Carlin is a “guiding light” to AP’s no-nonsense approach – which a lot of Failipinos dont find funny – with good reason, because the joke is on them!.

George Carlin Doesn’t Vote (delivered during the Dubya years, Obama subsequently defeated Bush Republican partymate McCain in the following elections). George brilliantly answers the “if you didn’t vote you don’t have the right to complain” BS. Nope, I am not giving out a spoiler – you have to watch this!
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xIraCchPDhk

George Carlin on Our Similarities
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cgps85scy1g

George Carlin on the American Dream
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=acLW1vFO-2Q

George Carlin on Politically Incorrect – Part 1
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_h2EYPvQDqE

George Carlin on Politically Incorrect – Part 2
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_bYnvR_fRg

George Carlin – You have no Rights
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWiBt-pqp0E

George Carlin – Saving the Planet
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eScDfYzMEEw

George Carlin – We Like War
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDkhzHQO7jY

GEORGE CARLIN on Homelessness and Golf
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AbSRCjG-VLk

George Carlin – “Proud parents” bumper stickers
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cxmE2qMbYRU

George Carlin on Religion and God
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPOfurmrjxo

***

George Carlin’s comedy will most likely not sell in the Philippines – because it will be considered offensive by the typical Pinoy schmoe. Or, he’d rather not be reminded about his misery and watch wowowee instead. Worse, George Carlin can get shot, even wind up like Buddy Dacer.

George’ monologues allow me to look at the mirror – and embrace everything about me, including my flaws. It doesn’t stop there however. I learn from my flaws and my failures – I am my own best friend and I gladly take the spotlight. A new friend on FB by the name of Elpidio said it best:

Realists and pragmatists call a spade a spade. Logically they call a shit a shit. That way their successes outnumber their failures. Their successes are more likely sustainable. They don’t deny their failures so they learn from it and least likely repeat it.

A good friend is the one who tells you your shortcoming direct in your face. A bad friend at best just wouldn’t care

I can learn from the joke, or remain to be the object of the joke – my call, my choice.

Are Pinoys ready for a George? Based on the Carolla/Chip Tsao/Baldwin brouhaha – some are, most aren’t. The joke is still on us – till we get our sh*t together.

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49 Comments
  1. Hung Hang permalink

    >> George Carlin: Can Pinoy culture handle his kind of comedy?

    BongV, are you trying to be funny with your blog title or you just like asking stupid questions? You know very well the answer to this question or I should hope so.

    Any comedy that requires any mild form of thinking like satire, witty sarcasm and black humour (and I don’t mean the race) will not sell in the land of the idiots.

  2. GabbyD permalink

    you know what won’t with the church in RP? Family Guy. they have rape/incest jokes on a regular basis.

  3. Jay permalink

    Um, specifics please. You mean regarding the child abuse cases by the clergy? I don’t want to open a can of worms with that but it IS justifiable. And real.

  4. I say, Carlin hits home.

    And Filipinos will say, “Ang bastos-bastos niya, tapos tinatamaan niya kami.” That’s why it’s called humor, folks!😉

  5. GabbyD permalink

    oops missing word should read “you know what won’t FLY with the church in RP? Family Guy…”

  6. GabbyD permalink

    In family guy? i dont recall them making fun of priests or the church, but there’s lots of gay sex jokes. like chris griffin and the elderly neighbor. its all for good fun, but its easy to be turned off by it…

  7. What about South Park? It has humor that is considered offensive to us Flips, specifically humor that make fun of religion (Catholics, Scientologists and Mormons), homosexuality (Big Gay Al, Mr. Garrison), and various issues of the day (Obama and MsCain as jewel thieves disguised as presidential candidates, “Osama Bin Laden has Farty Pants”) and it contains a good dose of profanity (plus, Kenny dies once in a while). It had a movie (way back in the late 90’s) poking fun at parents who try to put the said show off the air (South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut).

    We should get used to their brand of humor. Otherwise, we’ll end up as onion-skinned BAWers, the clowns of the global village.

  8. McCain, NOT MsCain. Sorry for the typo.

  9. ben permalink

    This is great. Watta funny old fart🙂 cracked up throughout the whole set of vids!

  10. I’m not really a fan of the late George Carlin, but I like his work. I understand and appreciate. Especially the monologue he has in relation to religion and saving the planet. Majority of the Philippine population might not “get” his jokes, or may get offended. But not me, a fan of black humor/comedy.

    I can say that his work may be a rude awakening that a sleeping country needs.

    The Baldwin, Chip Tsao, desperate housewives incident did not offend me.

    I did not take it as a joke to offend people, I took it as a slap in the face…to wake me up and ask myself..why are these people saying such things? What have we done to deserve such jokes? What can we do to change all this? Rather than cry like a baby and demand a public apology because of so called “racist” remarks.

    Ang sakin lang, its time to clean our backyards first before we brag and act like as if its clean.

  11. ben permalink

    Although, the vids about God are very arguable. God can’t be blamed for our situation. Man has been given dominion over the earth and his actions will always have consequences, whether good or bad.

  12. That’s what BongV warned you about.😉

    Thing is, the no. 1 video is the one that hit right home. “The reason why we have stupid, selfish politicians is that we have stupid, selfish politicians who vote for them.” That’s what really hit home.

  13. Oops… “stupid, selfish citizens who vote for them…”

  14. ben permalink

    Agree.. The first vid was what made me comment that first comment🙂

  15. Jay permalink

    That is one trait that was never really discussed during the election or election mentality: Selfishness. Noynoy supporters have a billion silly reasons why they supported their candidate but they will never come out to say they were selfish. Erap supporters wanted to try go back to 1998 and take into consideration most of them were the poor people but in all they were still selfish for going back to a system that didn’t work.

    Gibo and Gordon supporters? They wanted to help the country at the expense of the oligarchy and the other, not so aware majority. I guess we were pretty selfish too.

  16. I think voting does come with a little selfishness all right, but it should be the right kind. After all, that’s why we vote. There’s just the challenge of balancing our own good with the good of the country.

  17. kusinero permalink

    well i think you could only classify it as selfishness if you only vote to satiate your personal agenda: ie voting for noynoy despite the fact that you already know he is incompetent, but you just like kris so much you cannot pass on the chance of seeing her on tv as the first sister🙂

    but I agree george is spot on, too bad pinoys will not be able to hear this, nor will they try to understand the message. i bet if you show this video to da pinoy, the reaction you will get is “why are these americans so entertained? di naman nakakatawa yung joke”.

  18. Jon Abaca permalink

    I find that there are two kinds of selfish.

    Smart Selfish:

    I want my interests forwarded, but I know undermining other while they undermine me is doesn’t really help me, so I’ll work with them, while not trusting them fully, just enough.

    Stupid Selfish:

    I want my interests forwarded, so I’ll step on other people to get higher, even if it means everybody else hates me enough to undermine me. F*ck everybody else, I’m in it for me!

    Personally, I think “Stupid Selfish” prevails in this country.

  19. Famous Wolf permalink

    There was an earlier episode about Brian’s gay cousin marrying a gay Filipino by the name of Rodrigo, I think? So yeah…

  20. MaskmanReturns permalink

    man just shut up!!!!!!!!At least he is not a racist(Although i won’t be able 2 watch his vids.I’ll watch it soon)As what Bonv said Pinoys cannot handle that kind of comedy or I maybe wrong?See the real thing here is Filipinos need 2 understand these kind of jokes not those overrated jokes that u see in Phil.TV.(not all of Pinoy Comedians of course.)

    That’s all I can say on this topic man.No other comments 4 me here.And as 4 hung hang u r a SOB and a rotten guy at the same time!!!!!!!!!!

    Take this u racist idiot Choudenshi Photon Laser!!!!!!!

  21. abner permalink

    wow carlin is awesome cant believe i havent heard of him until today. The American Dream and the one about “how those for the yellow symbol are symbol-minded” really hit home lol

  22. Amino Acid permalink

    Ever heard of a rhetorical question?

  23. Amino Acid permalink

    That was for Hung Hang, BTW. I’ve yet to clearly understand how the comments branch out in this website.

  24. presto permalink

    ben,

    I don’t think Carlin said anything that blamed god for anything. From what I got out of the vids, I seem to take it that he thinks people’s actions, as you say, “always have consequences”.

    He was an atheist so I don’t think he would blame a god for anything since — How could one lay blame on something or someone that doesn’t exist in his/her point of view?

  25. GabbyD permalink

    but if u’ll notice, carlin never hits on the weak, only on the hypocrisy of the strong.

  26. i have to disagree. in case you didn’t watch the first clip where Carlin said – where do stupid politicians come from – from stupid citizens. those words did not qualify WEAK OR STRONG. as you see, stupidity transcends class lines, gender, education, even geography.

    and the weak of mind, of course, will not be able to see that – and will just keep on asking nonsense questions – and a string unsubstantiated wimpy oneliners.

  27. GabbyD permalink

    i disagree. the concept of the “american people”, as a group/generalization, is considered “strong”, and is the source of america’s strength.

    its ok to say the “american people” are stupid, to highlight the hypocrisy of the notion. thats why its funny to highlight the incongruity of the “american people”

  28. your concept of “strong” is a strawman GabbyD – maghanap ka ng kausap sa FV – doon puro kayo strawman😆

    stupidity transcends strong, weak, gender preference, religion, class lines.

    america is strong because as a collective it learns from its mistakes and works hard not to repeat it – as a nation, america thinks and acts on its national interest

    the philippines is weak because its citizens do not learn, do not exert the effort to learn, and get angry when told to go and learn – therefore the philippines is weak.

    the bottom line is attitude – americans have a strong individualistic ethos that also recognizes the social contract – “i am free because i enforce the laws on myself” unlike filipinos who wait for someone else to enforce the law on their behalf – no wonder the country is border-line lawless😆

  29. GabbyD permalink

    i’m beginning to see a pattern: whenever you dont like replying, you want to send me away🙂

    i’m not even sure u know what a “strawman argument “is. why is it a strawman?

    what i said is a legitimate way of understanding political satire. always attack the strong ideas/notions/groups /people. hence, attacking the “american people” is perfectly legitimate. in fact, mocking great american institutions is fine too. people mock the founding fathers as a bunch of know-nothing white men. thats cool, because we know they aren’t.

    now, if u want to attack the filipino people, go ahead. i suppose u can mock the weak — but u gotta know thats lazy satire. but ur free to do so…

  30. GabbyD:

    I don’t like replying to you because you ask questions that could have been answered by you had you taken the time to really read. I don’t like to do the reading for you – because that’s your work – not mine. I am under no obligation to make you understand.

    Boils down to the numbers. why will i get stuck with one who can’t get it – when there are 10 more who do get it – quick studies. for short, why waste my time on you? when i reply to you, am just being a nice guy – para may kausap ka naman.

    have you seen the Blue collar series – Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, and Larry d Cable Guy? Within american society – are their jokes on the “weak” or “strong”🙂

  31. the filipino people are “weak”? really? that’s news to me – how come when they were browbeating Carolla, they didn’t sound that weak😆

    or perhaps you mean – “weak of mind” – tough luck!😆

  32. Ma Xianding permalink

    Yeah, weak of mind but who think they are strong. They simply need to be put in their place.

  33. GabbyD permalink

    ah, good examples! “Ron White, Jeff Foxworthy, Ron White, and Larry d Cable Guy”

    white people mocking white people… hmmm…. you sir, are making my argument for me.

    but ur right, lets clarify. in a sense, the identity of a person is key to this. a person from the same back ground can mock a similar class of people, and it would be ok, esp if its humorous context. carlo mencia would be a great example, and even then, for the real scathing remarks/jokes, he dresses it down in the form of a “character” so its less offensive.

    another example, is family guy. they can get away with alot, coz its cartoons, and the characters who mouth these are obviously one-dimensional boobs…

    yes, right, context matters also.

    ” am just being a nice guy – para may kausap ka naman.”

    ah, thanks! i’m not disputing this. i’m grateful ur being nice to me.

    but notice too, i’m being nice to u also. i’m taking ur arguments and facing them head on. i’m taking them seriously. i wanna help u make better arguments. i’m a nice guy too!

  34. Hung Hang permalink

    Yes, and it obviously doesn’t apply here if u read the article again, u stupid madapaka.

    The blog title provokes a question to the readers to respond to BongV’s take on the issue at hand. See the other pipol here who are also writing their comments? They are also responding to the blog title and the article since it was not a rhetorical question.

  35. Hung Hang permalink

    look at what the cat dragged in…

    who is the real idiot still playing with his old childhood toys? are you sure u are old enough to read this kind of stuff? why don’t you just go back to mommy and suck your dummy.

  36. brianitus permalink

    Being oddly optimistic right now.

    Although I am not a big follower of Carlin, may he rest in peace, I think his brand of humor CAN sell in the Philippines. Just make sure the guy delivering the jokes wears a dress and can sing a few bars of “On the wings of love.” Book him a straight week’s gig over at Quezon Ave or Timog.

    If people tend to shoot the messenger, why not change the messenger?

    Now in the same manner, what if we transform Kris Aquino into a positive force for change and unity…



  37. whatever floats your boat GabbyD, glad that you take time to cruise on AP – good to see you taking all this in stride.😆

    white people mocking white people… pango mocking pango… same tune.. exactly..

    i’ll even throw in Dave Chappelle – black mocking black, white, brown😆

    then there’s Jeff Dunham – and all his characters, the dead terrorist, the mexican jalapeño .. on a stick, then there’s peanut.. oh and the angry old white dude..

  38. brianitus..

    i remember donya buding.. and dely atay atayan (in john and marsha).. and ading fernando.. in those characters –

    in davao, Abba Cuaman was a hit with his Sultan Lubi Macapuno monologues.. made in coordination with PETA

  39. presto permalink

    Gabby,

    What do you mean by strong and weak? Is strong the majority and weak the minority? If so, correct me if I’m wrong but you seem to imply that AP/bongv attacks the weak in the Philippines (i.e. the Filipino) but wouldn’t that be the majority and therefore the strong?

    But if you pay close attention to George Carlin, he talks about “the strong”, as you put it, as the same dumbasses (the public) that vote their dumbass leaders and at the same time are the slaves to the corporate masters. Seems to me like he says they’re weak, not strong despite being the majority.

  40. brianitus permalink

    I have faint memories of Ading Fernando. I remember Dely in John and Marsha, always picking on Dolphy. Donya Buding…I don’t remember her act.

    Um, not the familiar with the Davao-based acts you mentioned, though.

  41. Tudilip Tudilip permalink

    I bought his book “Brain Droppings” and yes, he is funny but funnier during a live stand-up. I take him more seriously than most of our crappy politicians.

    BTW, I don’t know if AP already saw this online but it’ll make you laugh anyway. READ IT:

    http://www.pamie.com/archives/pamie/open_up_and_say.html

    An American blogger tastes “Jolibee” for the first time. She’s receiving a lot of hate mails from PINOYS. Ano pa nga ba?

  42. Tudilip Tudilip permalink

    To those who can’t open the link, here’s the full post. Enjoy!🙂

    “Open Up and Say Yumburger.”

    URL: http://www.pamie.com/archives/pamie/open_up_and_say.html

    “Ugly American.” That’s someone who can’t step foot into a room that’s slightly different without being filled with slack-jawed awe, all lifted eyebrows and rolling tongue, shocked and gasping at everything that looks slightly different from normal.

    I don’t think of myself as an Ugly American. I wouldn’t have, anyway. I have no real basis for deciding this, other than thinking I’m a good person. I can’t imagine a way that I would have thought of myself as someone who gasps and shrieks and becomes terrified at —

    Look, one night Laura House and I ate at a place called The Original Fiesta Barrio of Manila. (Or, as I just found it’s actually called: Barrio Fiesta.) They gave us Ox-Tail in a Peanut Butter Soup Pot. And we ate it. We were nervous, and it tasted like peanut butter beef, which… isn’t something I want to put in my mouth. (Two girls with Texas educations that we were, my favorite part about our experience was when we wandered in pondering, “Where is Manila?” “I don’t know, but they make awesome folders.”) Anyway, the point is, we were at this crazy restaurant that night, Laura and I, bragging that we’ll try anything once and don’t get squeamish. Our server, who was awesome, brought a variety of foods to us, ranging from “something that will scare you” to “something I’m sure you’ll both eat.” And then he gave us long lollipops with tiny, sugary stars on top. Yay!

    One night at a sushi restaurant I was served something that looked like cat food and tasted exactly like cat food. But I tried it. Twice. Then — luckily — Jeff, who had ordered it, took a bite and immediately told me it was horrible and pushed it away. I still don’t know what it was because I asked him never to tell me.

    There’s a place in Koreatown called Soju Town. It’s near the Wiltern. I’ve eaten there more than once, even though it’s the strangest meal. Scrambled eggs and beer and some kind of Waldorf salad with sweet pickles and I never know what order to eat anything, but I eat it. And I don’t freak out.

    But Jollibee. Holy shit, y’all. Jollibee.

    stee had to go car shopping, so he almost didn’t come with us, but curiosity got the better of him. stee is a guy who doesn’t eat red meat, hates most vegetables, and finds calamari to be the most disgusting thing one could voluntarily eat. He doesn’t like spicy food, food in a color he doesn’t recognize, or food that smells “weird.” He isn’t the most adventurous eater, is what I’m saying.

    This means stee got to about the doorway before he decided he wasn’t going to touch a bite of “Crispylicous, Juicylicious” Jollibee.

    (Can I just say here I know that some of you who read this site live in the Philippines, because I get email from you. I can’t believe not one of you wrote to say, “Hey, dude. You’re making a mistake.”)

    It’s not the easiest thing in the world, deciding what to eat at Jollibee. Luckily there was a line. We watched families file in to order spaghetti, fried chicken and cheeseburgers. The “Palabok Fiesta” platter seemed the most adventurous, with hard-boiled eggs, shrimp, pork, noodles and some kind of brown sauce. Jeez, when I put it like that, you’d think it was combination chow mein.

    Hey. Guess what?

    It’s not.

    We came up with a plan. Each of us would order something adventurous (but not as adventurous as the Burger Steak) and if everything we ordered was terrible we’d come back and order the one-dollar Yumburger. Couldn’t go wrong.

    We were wrong.

    I ordered the spaghetti and fried chicken meal with a banana langka pie and headed back to a table. Stee followed.

    “Holy cow, that stuff smells funny,” he said. “Can I look at it?”

    I got all superior here and scolded, “You are going to have to be a little cooler, okay? Everybody else here is eating the food and enjoying themselves. We can’t be complete assholes. How are we ever going to be able to travel?”

    stee didn’t seem to hear me, because he was staring at the spaghetti. “Don’t eat that. Oh, look at that! Dude. There’s hot dogs in your spaghetti. And cheddar cheese. And chunks of… what is that?”

    I felt my stomach wiggle, just a little. “Ham.”

    “Ham!”

    Ken and Ty joined us. “Okay, we’re all going to open everything at the same time.”

    It was quite some time before anybody had a first bite. The only thing that looked like something we’d normally eat was the fried chicken, but once I pulled into it I saw that the meat was a pale brown, kind of tan color, and inside of the tan were the scary streaks of purple you never want to see in a meat that can make you quite ill when even your talented mom cooks it slightly incorrectly.

    The Fiesta that Ken ordered had the smallest shrimp peppered on top of this pile of sauce and crumbled pork that had a top layer of something crunchy Ken called “breadcrumbs.” The hard-boiled eggs were imposing and scary. It took a very long time before anybody would not stop him from trying the food. [Dude. Ken! I just found out they’re crumbled pork rinds.]

    “What are you supposed to do with that lemon juice packet?” I asked.

    “I don’t know,” Ken admitted. “I fear it’s to put on top of the food.”

    “Even the eggs?”

    “Oh, God.”

    My spaghetti tasted like Spaghetti-O’s. You know those hot dogs? That’s what’s in there.

    stee wasn’t eating anything, his cameraphone out. He snapped pictures, pointed and asked a lot of questions. To be fair, he did the same thing when we were in Louisiana, trying something called Boudin Balls. (Don’t know what that is? You can click this link, but beware: it’s got the words “dip balls” and “butt chunks,” so you may never stop giggling.)

    We became such Ugly Americans because this food was so beyond anything we could have guessed it would be. We couldn’t stop. We were embarrassing ourselves and still couldn’t stop. Every bite was another shock.

    “This all tastes exactly like school cafeteria food.”

    Meanwhile, Ty was staring at her Yumburger. “This isn’t something we can eat,” she says. “There’s a pink…sauce… and it’s pink?”

    I tried being positive. “Do you think it’s still Thousand Island dressing?”

    She put the burger in her mouth and then instantly winced. “No.”

    “What’s it like?”

    She shook her head slowly, sadly. She whispered just one word to describe the taste of her cheeseburger: “Sweet.”

    “It’s like Wendy’s took all the goo that comes out of their burgers when they’re done cooking them, pressed that down into a mold, froze it in a patty shape, and exported it to the Philippines, where they put it between some bread, put pink sauce on it and sent it back here.”

    Ty bought a Pearl Cooler (you may know this as Boba Tea), in a flavor called “Ube.” Now, I hate Boba Tea. I can’t handle drinking something cold and then suddenly a ball of gelatin flies into my mouth through this big, honking straw. It’s not right, I tell you. It’s not right.

    Anyway, this thing was purple with little black “bubbles” at the bottom.

    “It’s supposed to be coconut,” Ken said. “I asked if it was grape flavored, because of the purple, but that was apparently a dumb question. It’s chocolate and coconut, they said. The guy was really nice about it. He promised us we’d like it.”

    Ty took a sip, got hit with a bubble, and recoiled in horror.

    “I told you,” I said.

    “What’s wrong?” Ken asked.

    “Gelatin!” she said, after finding a way to swallow the syrup pebble whole. “I was just drinking and then gelatin flew into my mouth.”

    “What’s it like?” Ken asked.

    There’s a pause right before Ty and I said at the exact same time: “Terrifying.”

    Ken tried it, only to discover he couldn’t handle the bubble either. We were now not even hiding the fact that this was an experiment gone horribly wrong. We took pictures. We discreetly deposited half-eaten food into napkins.

    The last straw, for me, was the banana langka pie. It doesn’t taste like banana, nor pie. It tastes like burned pineapple butter on stale bread crust. With some kind of membrane in it.

    “New plan. We are going to go somewhere else for lunch.”

    “Yay!”

    stee left to find a car.

    As we exited the mall, Ken said, “Do you guys feel like we somehow went to another country, made fun of everybody, and then took off?”

    “Absolutely,” I said. “I don’t like feeling this way.”

    “If you had told me yesterday that I’m the kind of person who can’t hold my shit together at a place like that, I would have been offended.”

    “Yeah. Hey, I don’t feel good. And I mean in my stomach. And my head?”

    “Oh, my God. I feel so weird right now. I can still taste everything, but like… in my brain.”

    “I wanted to shout, ‘Stop eating this! What are you doing to yourselves?'”

    “I just wanted to stop the children from eating it.”

    We went to the French place down the street. They were once again all out of the spinach quiche I’ve tried three different times to order, it took an hour for our food to arrive, and then another half hour to get the check.

    It was awesome.

    While we ate our sandwiches and drank strong coffee, we continued feeling guilty.

    Pam: You know, if I were at Taco Bell, and a group of Filipino girls came in, sat down next to me with a tray filled with shit, and started screeching and taking pictures? I’d be like, “I know! And we still eat it! It’s called a ‘Chalupa,’ and we still put it in our mouths!”

    Ken: It’s true. Fast food is nasty, no matter what country.

    Pam: Think of a corn dog. Or the McRib! How gross is the entire concept of Long John Silver’s? And have you ever eaten at a Waffle House? People from other countries must be constantly disgusted by what we’ll eat, three for a dollar.

    Ken: But I do like my food to taste like the color it comes in. Purple things should be grape. Not coconut. And it came in a purple powder. We saw her make it.

    Ty: A purple powder in some water with those black pellets.

    Pam: Hot chocolate is a powder in water. And brown.

    Ty: But it’s comforting! And feels like home! And… and…

    Pam: We just call purple “grape.” It doesn’t taste like a grape at all. If those same Filipino girls put a watermelon lollipop in their mouths and start weeping because it tastes nothing like watermelon, but instead like a ball of sugar —

    Ken: I’d be sucking on my watermelon lollipop, going up to them all, “What up? That’s what I call watermelon, ladies. You got a problem?”

    Pam: That’s the thing. Everybody there knew we were freaking out, and they just patiently tolerated us being Ugly Americans. Which just makes us even uglier.

    Ken: I have learned something about myself today. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it’s something.

    Pam: Yeah. I’m really disappointed in myself right now.

    Ty: What did you think was going to happen? We brought three cameras.

    Pam: I know. I know.

    Ken: Oh, shit. Look at the receipt. If we had bought three meals instead of two? We would have gotten a free gym bag.

    Pam: We’re never going back there.

    On the way back to my house I stopped at a red light, at the left hand turn. A group of war protesters were in front of us, asking us to honk for peace.

    Suddenly the car that passed us tried to screech to a stop, but smashed into the large car that was turning into its lane.

    “Oh, shit.”
    “Should we stop?”
    “I saw it. Did you see it?”
    “I saw it.”
    “Do they look okay?”
    “I don’t know. Oh, that guy looks mad.”
    “I’m stopping the car. I’m sorry, you guys. I’m now getting you involved in–”
    “We have to stop. We saw the whole thing.”
    “Will this make us less of assholes, if we stop and leave our information?”
    “I think it will slightly redeem our Jollibee behavior.”
    “Okay, then I’m definitely stopping.”
    “That’s what I’m saying.”

    It’s a good thing we did, because people were yelling and others were crying, and the cops said they wouldn’t come because nobody was hurt. We found other witnesses, and I took some pictures and waited for the crying woman’s mother to arrive.

    As we stood there in the middle of Colorado Boulevard, glass everywhere, the people driving past us would honk, and every other person shouted, “Get out of the fucking street!”

    There was clearly an accident, where two cars got smashed up — one pretty badly — and one woman was in tears.

    Ty shook her head. “Eagle Rock is mean,” she said.

    “I’m really sorry,” I said. “From the food to the screaming strangers, I…”

    “I have had a really good time.”

    “Yeah, this was the weirdest fun time.”

    “Let’s never do it again.”

    “I’m glad we packed a year’s worth of memories into two hours.”

    “It’s pretty impressive.”

    “I kind of still smell like Jollibee.”

    “Yeah. I have to go home and puke now.”

    “I understand. See you when we have to go to court.”

    “Awesome.”

  43. Monk permalink

    You forgot to mention that he also attacked capitalism, consumerism, and claims that groups of people are weak or ignorant because they came from a particular “culture” or “race”.

  44. Jet P. permalink

    Watching this, Jerry Seinfeld looks amateur…

    Thanks for sharing this…

  45. MaskmanReturns permalink

    that was a lol u ahh forget it whatever dude.Man u talk too much.At least I read on what Bongv said here and those comments here too.

  46. Jay permalink

    Speaking of GabbyD and family guy, I think he meant THIS clip:

    Since its making fun of matrimony, a pinoy talking to an intelligent child and IN TAGALOG!

    Enjoy your wedding night!

    But honestly I own family guy season 1 and 2 and I haven’t seen any rape/incest jokes. The obvious incest joke I saw was regarding Donnie and Marie Osmond, but the show loves to brush up on nostalgia.

  47. Our current most popular comedian is a incredibly inferior and sub-par comedian they call “Vice Ganda”. He or she is an evidence of our vapid, brain-dead comedy.

    We have to understand George Carlin’s humor is hardly compatible with our culture. Carlin’s ways, jokes and thoughts are always part of the counter-culture. He was against government, he was against religion, he was against any establishment, he was against the corporate swine.

    Philippines is a very religious country (I wouldn’t say that’s good). His jokes against religion will make him disliked and disdained by our country.

    He also explained why he never complained about politicians, it was simple, it was because of the masses. “Garbage in, garbage out” he said. In the minds of average,dumb, righteous Filipinos this wouldn’t make sense.

    We also are a “trend-follower” kind of nation. K-Pop for example, is one of our attempts to fit in. Carlin expresses his hate towards trends.

    We, like other countries, try to “Save the planet” while we can’t even save ourselves. We can’t even end the war in Mindanao, we can’t even love and care one another, we’re going to save the fucking planet?!

    I don’t mean to insult or hate on our country but it’s just the sad reality. But I’m happy, at least I know that there are people like me who misses him. He will be remembered, he’s death would not be in vain.

    If you get the chance, please drop by my Facebook page. I may like the opportunity of talking to a sensible Filipino. http://facebook.com/ma1co1m

    Take care, Joe bless you.🙂

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