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STREET TALK: You Speak Jejemon, I Speak Englitschzes

June 11, 2010

WARNING: PARENTAL GUIDANCE REQUIRED. LOTS OF CUSSIN. THIS IS STREET-TALK. SOME LANGUAGE MAY NOT BE APPROPRIATE FOR CHILDREN.

Let’s lighten up a li’l bit. I didn’t mean to light a cigarette. Ooops… I was trying to joke lest I be called a jukesbox. I don’t wanna add to the literature on jejemon – that’s so last year. I’d rather speak Englitscheze or Mexicanese and throw in some effin mofos from the hood.

Seriously dude all this subcultures and their variants are kinda interesting ya think home boy? Not a bad idea to have a brown brodduh represent ya dig what am sayin? You think you are so slick with your jejemon.. dang.. you gotta brush it up a li’l bit.. grow up, be an adult – learn Englitschzes.ūüėÜ

A buddy of mine just had to get hold of the Englitschzes guru. If the mountain will not go to Achmed then Achmed will go to the mountain. Is Englitscheze a fad like jejemon? Or does the effort to evolve a new semantic construction set display creativity? Rebellion? Contempt? Genius?

Step aside Mr. Larry d’ Cable Guy – I have Renato Pacifico on board.

The Apprentice:

>Renat0, kamusta ka na? I am from Antipinoy.com and am one of your biggest

> fans. I just want to know if you can teach me how to speakingese goot

> englitszches.

>

>

>

> Thank you

>

The Guru:

>  HA!HA!HA!HA!  You are berry funny!!!  Goot englischtzes is berry easy.
> > Any Erroneous englischtzes syntaxes is goot englischtzes, the more mistek
> > the better your goot englischtzes.  As you very well know, Flippinos are the
> > mostest highly critical of englischtzes usage.  They denigrate minorities of
> > their spoken englischtzes, pronouncations and inflection.  White Americans
> > are not spared.
> >
> > If you confront FlipPinos of these facts, they become defensive.  Their
> > canned lame responses are: “Well, I don’t, maybe others”; “You must be
> > hanging out with people like you described”; “Not all, definitely, not me”.
> > Lookit, I’ve hanged out with FlipPinos from hugas-pfwet to managers, the
> > “slip-of-their-tongue” shows their cultural sub-conscious dictating their
> > topics.
> >
> > I have witnessed pirst hand FlipPinos laughing at white American memoes
> > because of the ring-around-a-roses kind of englischtzes and inadvertent
> > spelling mesteks.  HOW TOTALLY STUCK-UP THESE FLIPPINOS ARE!!!!  As if it is
> > the means to an end.
> >
> > Listen, *******, you must be asking why FlipPinos are so highly-critical
> > of englsichtzes usage.  See, in the FlipLand englischtzes is a measure of
> > Intelligent Quotient like their measure of beauty is having a white skin,
> > or, tisoy or tisay or anything NOT-FILIPINO looking.  That is definitely
> > bigoted and racist.  That answer your question why FlipPinos are spending
> > thousands and thousands of pesos popping Glutathione pills and
> > industrial-strength Eskinol Skin whitening lotion with avocado extract.  TO
> > BE WHITE AND NOT LOOK LIKE FILIPINOS.
> >
> > If you are really from America, you’ll notice that Flipps pop their
> > umbrellas when they see a glimmer of the sun afraid they might get dark skin
> > when other minorities donned their D&G and Oakleys to head to the beach.
> > I’ve been running in Santa Monica for ten years now. ¬†You cannot, I repeat,
> > you cannot see Filipinos afraid they might get dark.  I hike, too.  You
> > donnot see Flippinos hiking.  WHAT YOU SEE ARE THE MINORITIES THEY
> > DENEGRATE.  And on parties, they claim that whites wanted their darker skin
> > that is why they sun themselves dark.
> >
> > HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!HA!AHA!  How stupid bigoted racists can they git.
> >
> > You must also be asking why “englischtzes”. ¬†After having mentioned about
> > “englischtzes” above, where real white Americans are not spared, therefore,
> > the real englischtzes belongs to FlipPinos. ¬†You’ll never know
> > “englischtzes” may be the correct spelling of “English”. ¬†This came about
> > when FlipPinos git angry when dey are not understood by Americans.  REAL
> > AMERICANS!  When REAL AMERICANS cannot understand them, they go to their
> > fellow Flips and … “You know wat? I explen and explen ober and ober again
> > and dey just cannot understand”! ¬†DAMN! ¬†They are saying REAL AMERICANS
> > should understand Flip englischtzes, pronouncation and inflection. ¬†I’LL BE
> > DAMNED!!!! ¬†If “englischtzes” is not understood because of sentence
> > structure, pronouncation, inflection and construction of sentences.
> >
> >
> >
> > IDIOT!!!!!
> >
> >

The Apprentice

Mr. Pacifico! You can never imagine the delight in finally hearing from a
prolific geniouses such as yourself. As you can see, I am still not well
versed in goot englitzches but I would really like to learn it so I can
become a true geek and not a Fake-Am.

My girlfriend  also likes to run and we run at least
twice a week. Maybe you are more hardcore so we will train so that we can
catch up with you when you run. Yes, FLIPPERS do not like to run because
they are lazy. Once they get to USA and become Fake-Ams or Binuhi Sa Nurse
they grow big beer belly from eating all KFC, Taco Bells, Jollibee and DJ
Bibingkahans foods. We also hike at Mount Lowe in Altadena and Griffith
Park. I never see FLIPPERS hiking in the same trails. Only Real Ams and
Chineses looking people. Never saw Fake-Ams there except me and maybe you if
ever we come across you.

Well, anyway, too much traffics in L.A. so I will hang out at the office for
long times even if my work is already finishes right now. I will see if I
can see your comments.

Your faithful and GOOT kool aid drinking disciple,

Epilogue

Oh boy, someone better have gloves in Congress.

I can already see one Congressman (this one’s not a tongressman, hell no) speaking Englitscheze.

If sh*t happens due to Englitsheze or Japarench- he can just punch those congressman who don’t agree with him and be done with legislation – how’s that for People’s Champ? ¬†LOL – That’s my home boy right there – give ’em hell Congressman, jab, hook, knock out.

Can someone hit the gavel and call the sergeant of arms for chris-sakes, we ain’t in Nevada.

Dang, you have jejemon – I have Englitschenese.

Bonus Video: Hella Pinoy – Rex Navarette

#1
http://www.youtube.com/v/ehxSK-bGoXs&hl=en_US&fs=1&

#2
http://www.youtube.com/v/mzkePde9MpY&hl=en_US&fs=1&

#3
http://www.youtube.com/v/CoPNsS1EiFo&hl=en_US&fs=1&

#4
http://www.youtube.com/v/Lz7lSHOwM-A&hl=en_US&fs=1&

#5
httpv://www.youtube.com/v/DhWhvGSU75g

http://web1.nyc.youtube.com/v/DhWhvGSU75g&hl=en_US&fs=1&

http://www.youtube.com/v/NXDgsQk5RPc&hl=en_US&fs=1&

http://www.youtube.com/v/H83s8aipkKE&hl=en_US&fs=1&

http://www.youtube.com/v/jf9QFjHQ9kY&hl=en_US&fs=1&

From → Uncategorized

6 Comments
  1. Josh permalink

    Lol wut

  2. I’d swear Rex Navarette was switching between Englitscheze and Englishūüôā

  3. test
    test

    test
    test

    test
    test

  4. palahubug99 permalink

    what you call “englitschzes” is really just fake pa-arte bogus pidgin carabao english – a subliminal mockery of pinoy accents

  5. nmi permalink

    The grammar and the syntax….it pains me. It wasn’t funny or clever to me at all. Just….ack.

  6. Hyden Toro permalink

    I write and speak “Taglish”. Any problem?

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