Move over Erap – there’s a new joker in town by the name of Noynoy.
Blame it on Maia who started it on FB with these words –
“Just had a thought…PNoy, Binay and Trillanes are like the beginning of a bad joke… “So a retard, a douche and a grandstanding asshole walk into a bar…”
and the retard goes, “Dude, where’s my car?” The douche goes, “Dude, where’s your car?” The grandstanding asshole goes, “Dude, where’s my film contract?”
They, themselves are the joke, though. And we have to suffer through it. 😛
Apparently, Maia gave me a bug of some sort. Next thing I know, I was scouring for material I can upgrade – and give it a twist 🙂
Cheesy, corny, whatever – I don ker. Without further adieu – here goes
Hook up at the Bar
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar, a woman and asks if he could buy her a drink. “Why of course,” comes the reply.
The man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Tarlac,” replies the woman.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Tarlac too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
I’m curious, the man then asks: “Where in Tarlac are you from?”
“Hacienda Luisita,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the man. “I’m from Hacienda Luisita too! Let’s have another drink to Hacienda Luisita, too.”
“Of course,” replies the woman.
Curiosity again strikes the man, he asks: “What’s your mom’s name?”
“Corazon,” replies the woman, “she was president of the Philippines.
“This is unbelievable!”, the man says. “my mom’s name is Corazon too – and she was also president of the Philippines.
About that time in comes Enrile and Drilon sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “Noynoy and Kris are drunk again”
Noynoy went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed Noynoy watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally Noynoy asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. Noynoy offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. Noynoy said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. Noynoy took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall with a loud thud. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”
A Meeting With God
Nakipagkita ang Diyos sa tatlong world leaders; kay Obama, kay Putin at kay Aquino.
Wika ng Diyos sa kanila, kayong tatlo ay pwedeng maglahad sa akin ng isang katanungan at tiyak na aking sasagutin.
First came Obma: “God, will I win a second term?” And God immediately replied: “You will learn by the Year 2012.”
And Obama broke down and cried. Nagulat ang Diyos and asked: “Why do you cry, my son?”
To which Obama replied: “Because I will no longer be around when that happens which means I will go down in history as the first black US President who was indecisive and wishy washy!” And Obama faded away.
Second came Putin: “God, when will the Russian economy finally take off?” To which God replied: “By the Year 2020.”
And Putin broke down and cried. Nagulat ulit ang Diyos and asked: “Why do you cry, my son?”
To which Putin replied: “Because I will no longer be around when that happens – so I will never see Russia’s economy prosper and stabilize.” And Putin faded away.
Finally came Aquino: “Diyos ko, ito lang naman ang tanong ko… When do you think will I ever be accepted by the Filipino intellectuals and society’s elite and be considered by them as a competent leader?”
At which point, God broke down and cried… Biglang nagulat tuloy si Noynoy! Nagtatakang nagtanong si Noynoy: “Diyos ko, bakit naman ikaw ang umiiyak?” To which God answered: “Kasi, when that happens, I will no longer be around…”
– Adopted from PNB New York After Hours